


Final Orders

by misaffection



Category: Farscape
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-06-27
Updated: 2008-06-27
Packaged: 2017-10-02 21:22:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misaffection/pseuds/misaffection
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the end of Into the Lion's Den, Aeryn Sun receives a message from beyond the grave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Final Orders

Aeryn walks Moya's passageways, heading to her quarters. Every step is a struggle, heavy, as if gravity wants to pull her to the deck. She is tired, beyond tired in fact; exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally. The endless day has seen too much loss; in the last few arns she has seen her past home destroyed, an old friend die... and Talyn...

Her breath catches in her throat and she hurries to the sanctuary of the room. It is only here, in the silence and the darkness, that she can finally let it all go. Grief overwhelms her and she stumbles across the room to the bed, collapsing onto it as the first sob wrenches from her body.

For a long time she cries, shuddering as she grieves the passing of those she loved. Finally the tears slow and the sobs lessen. For a longer time, she just lies in the darkness, aching and hollow. It the silence she can hear noises, soft, almost inaudible. There is a steady heart-like beating overlaid with a whispering sigh, while a muted wail strikes a discordant harmony.

The ship trembles around her and Aeryn realises that Moya is mourning too.

The grief of mother for her child brings her abruptly to herself and she sits, dries her tears and brushes hair away from her face. As she increases the level of light, something glitters on the floor and captures her attention. She blinks and focuses on it.

Cold slides down her back as she recognises it as a vidchip. She realises that she must have knocked it off the bed and even as she wonders who has been in her quarters, knows there is only one possible answer given that Crichton...

For several microts, she just sits and stares at it. Then she bends down, unable to resist picking it up. The metal is cold between her fingers and has a weight that goes beyond physical. The weight of import presses and she shivers at the sense of it. She has stood and crossed to her desk before she is aware of doing so.

The projector has been here since Chiana found the recording of her past, though that vidchip is long destroyed. Aeryn has a second in her possession, the precious recording of her mother. The irony threatens to choke her.

She reaches towards the projector, the vidchip between thumb and first finger. Then hesitates, not sure she can deal with this now, but surely it cannot make her feel worse and so she inserts the chip into the slot.

Lines blur the air, red and black, then collate into an image.

Of his quarters, aboard a ship that no longer exists and keen edge of loss hits her like a physical blow, forcing her to step back, her eyes stinging. She turns her head, takes a breath and then focuses back on the man in the image.

Having activated the recorder, he crosses the room and sits heavily on the bed. The longcoat has been discarded somewhat carelessly and it drapes off the bed. He leans forward and braces his bare arms on his knees and she can see the tension that cords the muscles. He clasps his hands together, so tight the knuckles turn white.

It is a pose of terrible weariness and Aeryn swallows. For several microts he does not move, his gaze on his hands. When he finally lifts his eyes to the recorder she flinches at the quiet grief they hold.

"Officer Sun..." He pauses and then sighs heavily. "Aeryn," he corrects and his voice is softer as he stops addressing her as the captain he once was. "If you are listening to this then events have turned out as I imagined them to. If you are listening to this then I am dead. There are things that must be said and so I leave this with you."

Aeryn gasps at the realisation of what he is saying. She does not know why his being prepared for every eventuality surprises her, but she cannot hold that steady gaze knowing that he was right and she has to look away for a microt.

"I would rather speak to you direct, but even if I get a chance I doubt that you will listen."

That he knew her that well pulls her attention back; she had not allowed him to finish his apology before. She knows now what he will say next, but is no more prepared to hear it this time and she steps forward, intending to shut off the hologram.

"I am not asking for forgiveness," he continues. "Only that you will hear me through."

She freezes. The brutal fact is that he is dead, has sacrificed himself for them, for her. It occurs to her that the least she can do is listen to what he has to say. She stills again.

"I do not expect you to forgive me. What I did...no one can change their pasts, Aeryn, and I can only regret... certain things, for what little good that does. But I do regret hurting you, for lying to you, for using you to my own ends. Perhaps you can forgive me. All I ask is that you understand."

She sighs. Oh, she understands; she always did, even when she was furious with him. She tries to find that anger now but it is gone, gutted by grief and loss.

"I do not know what will happen, but I know that Scorpius is not to be trusted and I doubt that I will leave the Carrier alive." She flinches at that but he is continuing, his tone brutally practical. "If Talyn survives... you were linked to him once, you have good instincts. I know that you will care for him as I have."

Now she discovers she still has some tears left, they make hot tracks down her cheeks, while he looks down at his feet and heaves another sigh. When he looks back up the mask is dropped and she can see to the very heart of him. What she sees makes her own bleed for him.

"Whatever has happened... I made my own choices. I do not ask you to grieve, but I must make one request; find something, a new path perhaps. Only..." He pauses and a smile touches his lips. "Be happy, Aeryn Sun." Then image fades out.

In the absence of the generated light, Aeryn struggles to breathe. She stands and crosses the room, reactivating the hologram and pausing it on that last sentence. His expression calm ��" defeated yet not beaten ��" the same look he had when he told her of his plan.

And she knows now that it was not to destroy the wormhole weapon or even revenge against Scorpius. Those were just other things he achieved in his real mission ��" to give her an opportunity to survive.

Guilt surges and she reaches out to touch him. In the midst of everything else, of Henta and Talyn and the Carrier going down, she has not considered his sacrifice. Her throat burns with things that have gone unsaid and she wishes she could have that moment over. But it is not warm flesh under her palm, just the tingle of static.

Her hand drops and deactivates the hologram. She pulls the chip and holds it tightly as her gaze goes to the stars. She breathes out, aware that it is because of him that she can do so. She should probably feel gratitude. Instead she just feels utterly empty.

"Bialar," she says softly. Just once she needs to say it without anger, without bitterness. She closes her eyes, breathes in and out, and remembers everything from what they were to what they became.

Her eyes snap open suddenly and she strides to her desk. Almost, she lets it go. Almost. Then she hesitates and looks up. The stars stretch out into blackness, infinite and forever. And instead she holds on, her fingers clenching until the metal digs into her skin.

The door opens and she turns to see Crichton hovering, his expression concerned.

"You okay?" he asks.

She thinks it over and, while she still hurts, she is 'okay'. She nods. "I will be."

"Good." He looks lost and then looks at her hand with a frown. "What's that?"

Aeryn glances down and finds a small smile crawls across her face.

"Final orders."


End file.
